So, sometime Friday night my cable modem, in concert with my drastically out-of-date analog drop from the main line caused any semblance of internet to completely vanish from within the boundaries of my house.

I, like many people before me, became overwhelmingly aware of my dependence upon being wired. This was god-awful. I was seeing babies crawl on the ceiling, and I was willing to dive into the worst toilet in Scotland for my fix. I had Julie take a picture of me just to cement the moment: